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Much better.

Those of you who missed me last night should likely be thankful. You wouldn't have liked me anyway.

So it sounds like my mother's made her decision. Not that she told me right away, but, by now I'm mostly over that. I don't know when they'll be leaving, but since Ral is busily cramming for her SATs, I expect it to be sometime in late summer or early fall, thus making the summer interesting and chaotic, no doubt. Mom doesn't want to sell the house here, so I'll probably be staying here and renting the place from her. Any volunteers to be my roommate? :P

If last night is any indication, I shall have to prepare for a double dose of lectures in the weeks ahead, though. I can...sort of understand it. At the greatest extent of my very occasional persecution complexes, I get the idea that neither of them are really happy with me. Even when I'm reasonable, I know they see a good deal of flaws in the way I've lived. And so, really, do I.

But the upshot is that in however few months it is, they'll have to leave and let me sink or swim. And they don't know if I'm up to it. Or if I can really be happy the way things are. I could be doing better in school, yes. I could be a lot of things that are arguably better than I am. They think I've settled for the way things are, and are likely to develop...but have I? And if so, is it a bad thing? Am I really happy, or do I just feel happy because I know how much worse things could be?

I am thankful for them going, I think. For more than the usual reasons. I need to decide where I am before I decide where I'm going.



Apr. 24th, 2005 03:02 am (UTC)
What, you didn't know that already? I must endeavour to make my...regard for you more obvious. :P